First Chapter Coming to a Close

My first chapter of life and work in Afghanistan is coming to a close…and soon! The weeks since my last journal entry have been decisive, and full of activity. At the end of July, I resigned from MEDA. It was a difficult decision, as I have tremendous respect for MEDA as an organization and was proud to be part of an organization with such a record of accomplishments and in-house expertise. It has been an excellent career move to gain training and experience in value chain analysis and development, and it has been satisfying to work with villages in Parwan. I only wish our impact could have been greater. At a minimum, I hope that my recommended strategy to develop vegetable storage will leave a legacy of well-built and well-managed facilities that provide winter food security and help farmers gain excellent prices in the off-season market. In June, I was approached by another Canadian organization in Afghanistan that focuses on business development training and local procurement, and I am in discussions with them about coming on as staff at the end of September. I’ve also been approached for several consultancies in value chain and business development work and have realized that work is plentiful here.

After much soul-searching, I realize that I cannot leave this country. I have reflected back all the way to my touch-down in Kabul airport, that anxiety that gripped my stomach as I stepped down from the plane and walked across the pock-marked tarmac and into the dilapidated bunker of an airport. As much as it has been hard, it has been magical. I have felt isolated, and I have met and am just now really getting to know some amazing people here. I have felt restless at the lack of amenities, and then filled with outrageous delight at discovering a brand new, shimmering turquoise pool large enough to lane swim at the Serena Hotel. I have been fearful of kidnappings (right now it is the South Korean hostage crisis) and suicide bombs that have happened in my own neighborhood, and I have learned how to live one day at a time. I have been frustrated with the lack of electricity or damage from electrical surges, and I have learned to value everything I have and live with less. I’ve been overwhelmed by the chasms in capacity of the various staff the project relies upon for success, and I’ve learned how to be a better mentor and manager. Sometimes I worried that Tariq and I’s different reactions to life in Afghanistan would make us grow apart, and have come to recognize that this shared experience has given us a unity I’m not sure could have been realized anywhere else.

All the Afghans I work with have asked me not to leave the country. I am awakened each morning by growling ISAF helicopters and aircraft flying low over my roof and realize that every day of relative safety in this country is precious. The peace here is fragile and it will likely be so for quite a few more years. So far, my work in development largely separates me from military activities. Yet the presence of the military is everywhere, in convoys of tanks on the streets, at road-checks, in foreign restaurants. I often find myself reflecting on the Quaker peace testimony and trying to apply it pragmatically to the situation in Afghanistan. In my time here, I have come to believe that without an international presence, Afghanistan would again devolve into civil war or reoccupation by the Taliban. I continue to firmly believe that peace is the way… and yet it seems senseless to allow powerful men who have become ruthless to inflict suffering on millions of people without a protective response. I read the papers daily and feel that I don’t have definitive answers. In this chapter, I have focused my attention on the work of equality, on building the capacity of women, believing that through education and economic development, women can better their lives and better the prospects of life for their daughters – and their sons. A constant prayer is that I can conquer my emotions for the day and do my job, and be happy.

I want to remain working here for awhile, but first I want to take a break and “recharge my batteries” back in Canada. There are so many things I am looking forward to! I can’t wait to stand in line for timbits and a single single. I want to give my mom and dad a bear hug and hike all over the Okanagan. I want to swim in Okanagan Lake, and breathe in the smell of Ponderosa pines. I want to bring my mom and dad Jooya a big pizza from Papa Joes and a big box of Indian sweets. I want to drink martinis and catch up with all my friends! My plan is to stop in Montreal first, then head to Kelowna (September 3-10^th), and then to Vancouver. I will try to arrange a return flight to Kabul with a stopover in Calgary so I can see friends and family there. I won’t know my departure date until I finalize talks here in Kabul and get a new job contract in writing. I can’t wait to see you all soon!