Phuket II: Let the Good Times Roll

Craving Consumerism. By mid-week we had sunburns in all kinds of strange places and both of us had reached our seafood and heat limits. Several days of mussles, prawns, shrimp, chewy octopus, fish and the like had been wonderful but suddenly our systems craved pizza and burgers. We agreed that it was time to find the commercial (and air conditioned) side of island life, and I enticed Tariq into a shopping venture with the promise of McDonalds (which seems to work every time). Finding McDonalds seems to have reached pilgrimage status for Tariq. He actually found and ordered a double Big Mac (four patties!) which makes me think that it’s about time I strapped him down for a mandatory viewing of Supersize Me. Finding Phuket’s commercial center was not as easy as we thought it would be. Our time on the island confirmed that Thai people are friendly, warm, genuine and helpful. But very, very few speak a word of English. Trying to find the Central Festival took on the proportions of searching for the Holy Grail. You learn something new about your partner on every trip and this time I learned that Tariq really, really hates being lost (I really, really hate being cold and tired, but I think Tariq already knew that). Actually, the signage on Phuket is very good, it’s just the distinction between towns and townships that can be quite confusing. Old Phuket town is a marked by palatial, Sino-Portugese manors, while Phuket is more industrial. It’s actually pretty easy to get around the island by bike – almost all roads are paved, and there is a dedicated motorcycle lane, which many locals used. We found the mall at last and had a great time buying some new clothes and beach gear. The local Tesco (equivalent to our Superstore) was fun too, and we had a blast checking out exotic Thai snacks, food and other stuff.

Another day, we spent time motorbiking on country roads that wound through luxury villas and hotels – some still other construction. I knew from my pre-trip research that there were some very swanky digs on the island, and I thought it would be fun to check them out. Something about our relaxed pace and the size of the island made this less of a priority, but we did chance upon the Marriott Resort and went in for lunch. We loved the beautiful landscaping and lotus pond, and feasted at their Deli. I had a very memorable croissant sandwhich and pecan cinnamon bun, and a lovely dip in their gorgeous pool complete with jets, toys (yes, I did try the toys) and scuba divers practicing in the deep end.

Patong Beach Adventure. Phuket is full of surprises, one of which is a Vegas-type tourist zone on the central western coast called Patong Beach. It was about 100km from our hotel so it was a long trip by motorbike. In fact, it was an epic journey both coming and going. On the way there, we got a puncture and had to roll our little machine, in the blazing heat, into a mechanic’s shop for repair. The road into Patong was insane, snaking steeply up and down – definitely an advanced course for biking. Tariq handled it marvelously. Patong Beach was far crazier than we expected. Imagine thousands of bars, clubs and restaurants packed onto a tiny peninsula, with many, many artfully made-up and dressed-up Thai “lady-boys” trying to usher the crowds into their various establishments. Apparently Patong means "the forest filled with banana leaves" in Thai. Well, I think you could say that it means “the forest filled with ladies with bananas” – anyway, I’ll leave it at that. We ducked into a place called “Tsunami Tattoo” and Tariq proceeded to get a panther with vicious, bloodstained claws tattooed on his right arm. We got some coconut ice cream cones to celebrate his new body art, and then at about 11:00 pm decided we should head home because we had a long ride ahead of us. Little did we know how long. As we navigated the curved road out, the night breeze off the Andaman sea was warm against our short, cotton shirtsleeves. About 1/3 the way home the breeze morphed into a tropical deluge. We took refuge under the patio awning of a daycare with a few other locals while the hissing rain spanked the pavement. “Ride n’ Hide” became the theme dance of the next two cold, wet and tiring hours. At one point, Tariq found me a garbage bag to wear to keep off some of the rain. I was petrified that our motorbike would hydroplane on the roads which had become lakes of standing water (not to mention the downpour). But thank God we made it home safe and sound, had a hot shower and collapsed into bed. Tariq thought this was the highlight of our trip, which just goes to show what you can learn about someone when you are traveling.

Tourist Madness. No vacation is complete without taking in some of the tourist sights, is it? We caught a tuk-tuk (a little red truck like a rickshaw) in Phuket town, which took us to a rifle range, snake show, and zoo. At the range, Tariq almost shot a bulls-eye with his .9 calibre shotgun, while I probably lost the more delicate range of my hearing. At the snake farm, we saw king cobras (spitting and biting), an albino python, a mongoose, and other species of snakes. I couldn’t help but jump when the first cobra we saw hissed and struck. Well, of course the snake handlers kissed the cobra and stuck their hands in mouths and all that sort of thing. I could have done without these antics, fearing the handlers would get bitten. As far as I’m concerned there are smart risks and stupid risks, and I don’t have to tell you which category all of this snake kissing fits into. The zoo was a lot more relaxing. They had a great selection of parrots and other tropical birds, an ancient crocodile and monkeys with their dexterous baby-sized hands. I had such a good time in zoos with my Dad as a kid, I can never resist visiting them whenever I get a chance. Of course, the preservationist part of me sees zoos with skepticism and concern for how the animals were taken into captivity. Then there is the Gary-Larson-esque sense of the absurd about zoos where I feel that humans should be in cages with animals pointing and looking, making clucking and whistling sounds and snapping photos. One evening, we went to Fantasea, a made-in-Thailand play-land with a great buffet, carnie games and a Cirque-du-Soleil type dance show. Tariq’s prowess in shooting and throwing won me four stuffed animals and a few good laughs. The show was spectacular: elaborate costumes, fire-breathing, elephant tricks, trapeze artists, and a magic show that was extra funny due to a very reluctant Chinese audience participant that of course was sawed in half. I got some great ideas for the Commercial Drive lantern festival as the stage was lit with thousands of lovely candle-lit lamps.

Nature Hike. Another lazy afternoon was spent on a side trip to the Thon Sai waterfall. It actually wasn’t a very impressive waterfall by West Coast Canadian standards, but we did end up taking an interesting nature hike. Guess who was more afraid of a king cobra crossing their path? The whole thing was a bit like a jungle version of the Blair Witch Project. As we trekked through the brush, a family of birds or insects whined continuously like a screeching chainsaw, while others made scratchy, haunting calls on the offbeats. We both agreed that we wouldn’t want to be doing this hike at night. As we traveled up the falls, the chainsaw noise died off and we enjoyed sightings of lovely blue iridescent and orange butterflies.

Phang Nga Beach and the 2004 Tsunami. Towards the end of our trip, we biked northwards and crossed the bridge into Phang Nga on the mainland. We passed through a local village with very simple thatched and tin homes, and found a local beach where Thai children were playing in the waves. A young Thai girl in a little cotton candy pink dress dashed towards us with her friends on the beach with a dazzling smile and wave that was so beautiful I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. Poised on some rugged rock outcroppings, we watched a fierce tide coming in and thought about how the tsunami had devastated this part of Thailand three years ago. On December 26, 2004, a tsunami struck, caused by an earthquake in the Indian ocean. Over 5000 people died in Thailand – many in the Phang Nga area, and many beachside communities were devastated. Since then, almost everything has been restored and tsunami-detection buoys have been positioned around the Indian Ocean to form a regional warning system.