Doctor Gets Married!

My brother-in-law Adrise (affectionately known as Doctor) tied the knot this weekend with the kind of pomp and circumstance that would make any Afghan proud. With a guest list spanning over a thousand invitees, the Kabul Paris wedding hall on Taimonie Road was flooded with extended family and friends. The festivities began on Thursday night with a Shabhar Henna, or henna-decorating party, at the bride Khatera’s family home. Tariq and I walked Doctor into the party with the pounding of tablah (Afghan drums), Doctor tightly clasping our hands. A harmonium – a lap-sized, piano-like instrument – was spouting out sound at the hands of a raucously singing twelve year-old. We passed through a milling crowd of men outdoors into an indoor room packed with an enormous amount of dancing women and children. The main event at the party was to apply henna in a circle to the palms of the bride and groom and their close family members. I’m not sure of the significance of this tradition but it is a common element in central Asian and south Asian wedding celebrations. One story goes that the bride is not allowed to be tasked with any work in her new home until the henna fades from her hands.

Friday night and wedding night. Rather uncharacteristically I spent much of the afternoon at a Russian-Uzbeki hair salon that I like called the Nova Spa. With some time on her hands, my Russian hairdresser Roxanna made my limp locks into somewhat of a masterpiece. The best part of the afternoon was that I was able to feel the baby moving around and kicking very noticeably for the first time. It feels a bit like butterflies and truly one of the most amazing sensations. I think the fun part of pregnancy has now begun. Tariq and I arrived at the wedding hall early to meet and greet in our respective rooms. In Afghanistan, many – though not all – weddings take place in gendered space. Men gather on one side of a partitioned room, and women on the other. The men get the wedding band on their side, and the women get the bride and groom (although the men only actually see the Nikkah or formal wedding ceremony). Probably the most entertaining aspect of these events for me is to see the scope of wedding finery on display – Afghan women go all-out in dressing for weddings, from glittering sequined suits to bouffant hair to layers of gold jewelry. I suppose you could say they are dressing for themselves or each other, since really only other women see them. Doctor and Khatera handled their roles as king and queen of the night with gracious forbearance, fielding cameras and blinding video lights, ate hardly anything, and even managed a smile or two. It’s not really common for Afghan brides and grooms to smile on their big night – culturally a serious demeanor is required.

With all the public drama overwith, Doctor and Khatera now have ten days to get to know each other and develop a friendship before Doctor returns to Canada. Tariq and I had them over for chocolate, cookies and wedding picture viewing last night. It was nice to just let some of the stress of all the activities peel off and to joke around and help put them at ease. Tariq’s main responsibilities are finished as he did most of the organizing activities for the venue, singer, food etc and now my contribution of working on Khatera’s immigration paperwork begins in earnest. This will keep me busy for the next week and a half! I spent the rest of the weekend connecting with friends – knitting and gossiping on my friend Marilyn’s porch (I am making a yellow baby scarf – it looks pretty cute already) and celebrating our friend Ric’s 60^th birthday at La Cantina, a Mexican restaurant in town. With five weeks left, I want to really enjoy the fantastic friendships I’ve made here.